TBT: The Brutal Truth

Friday, December 22, 2006

Guess Who's Unhinged Now

Republican AM Radio pundit Mike Gallagher was on The FOX Beobachter a few days ago and his brownshirted little heart is just oozing "I Bleed Purple Piss For The Decider" by the gallon:

GALLAGHER: ... I think we should round up all of these folks. Round up Joy Behar. Round up Matt Damon, who last night on MSNBC attacked George Bush and Dick Cheney. Round up Olbermann. Take the whole bunch of them and put them in a detention camp until this war is over because they’re a bunch of traitors.

THOMPSON: They’re not traitors, they’re Americans. And you know what the great thing about America is you get to say what you like and you don’t get thrown into detention camps.

GALLAGHER: No, you don’t.

Why don't Gasbag Gallagher come right out and say what he really means, which is telling the truth is treason and that the American citizens are ORDERED and INSTRUCTED by OUR LEADERS (not our goverment; our "leaders") to agree with their every action and mindlessly gobble every single scrap of bullshit they shovel down our craws? Simple: he can't afford to without revealing just which political party is guilty of "hatin' 'Murika" ever since the ink dried on the Bill of Rights -- REPUBLICANS! Hey, Gallagher: you're supposed to shave your legs BEFORE rolling on the leaderhosen.

Hope you all don't mind a little eliminationist return fire: I think people like Gasbag Gallagher should be rounded up and frogmarched into Club Gitmo or Casbah Abu until either they finally learn to stop sending poor and middle class children to die for a pack of PNAC/AIPAC lies or until our next war, the latter of which Gasbag and the rest of the Rethuglican Cable/AM Radio Brownshirts will be promptly drafted and tossed on the first flights out to the HLZ to fight the very wars they currently ejuculate SHOCK and AWE about with no parachutes -- the hot air in their heads will be sufficient enough to make sure their descent doesn't kill or break any bones.

Bottom Line: the first government jackoff Gallagher loves so much that shows up on my porch waving the recently Bush-signed Military Commissions Act to declare me a traitor and justify my detainment is also going to be the first government jackoff that gets blown 20-30 yards straight off my porch, so help me Thomas Jefferson's God. If I can't speak with my tongue, I'll speak with lead and IEDs.


Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Schtayin' The Coursh

Bush also confirmed he would boost the size of the US military to cope with the "long haul" of the war on terrorism and that he told Gates to get to work on the issue and report back "as quickly as possible."

"I'm inclined to believe we need to increase in the permanent size of both the United States Army and the United States Marines," he said.

Bush Warns Of New Sacrifices In Iraq
Agence France-Presse
December 20, 2006


DRUNKEN CALLER: "Allright, lemme check this sucker out now. She leaves at 7:47 ..."
CLERK: "Yea-ulp, no! No, the plane is a 747 and it leaves at 11:06."
CLERK: "Well, goodbye-"
CLERK: "Awwww ..."
DRUNKEN CALLER: "Jes' a minute here ..."
CLERK: "Sir, I'm really busy!"
DRUNKEN CALLER: "Well, how 'bout me? I'm runnin' around like a chicken with my legs cut off!"
CLERK: (*sighing*) "Oooh, boy ..."
DRUNKEN CALLER: (*clickity-clickity-click*) "Operator, would you trace this call an' tell me where I am?!?"
CLERK: "Sir, this is AJAX Airlines."
DRUNKEN CALLER: "Cancel the call, operator. So, this is AJAX airlines, eh?!?"
CLERK: "Yes, AJAX Airlines! Remember, it costs no more than to relax in the heavenly skies of AJAX!"

Hudson and Landry
"AJAX Airlines"
Circa 1970


The top Democrat in the House of Representatives, speaker-elect Nancy Pelosi, noted that her party had been pushing for expanding the US military but charged that Bush had not shown a willingness to change course in Iraq.

"Unless there is a fundamental change in policy and in the mission of our troops in support of that policy, events in Iraq are unlikely to improve," she said in a statement.

Bush Warns Of New Sacrifices In Iraq
Agence France-Presse
December 20, 2006


DRUNKEN CALLER: "Well, now we're gettin' nowhere."
CLERK: "Thanks to you ..."

Hudson and Landry
"AJAX Airlines"
Circa 1970

(Tin Hat Twirl: John Francis Lee via comment at Moon of Alabama)


Monday, December 18, 2006

Smoke And Mirrors

JackGoff reports that TIME Magazine has named all bloggers as "Person Of The Year":

How better to prove you're irrelevant by being as lazy as possible? Good job, MSM. Now, what's happening in Darfur?

Hey, TIME Magazine: the next time you idiots decide to blow smoke up my ass by naming me "Person of The Year", make sure it has first and last month's cash deposit, too. Goddammit, if I'm going to carry your smoke around in my asshole, it's gonna pay rent, motherfucker ...


Sunday, December 10, 2006

Praise Jesus ... And Fuck The Christians

Thou Art A Bunch Of Dumb Fucks:

The Young Conservatives of Texas - University of Texas Chapter announced today that they will be displaying an “ACLU Nativity Scene” on the West Mall of the University of Texas campus on Monday and Tuesday, December 4th and 5th. The group’s intent is to raise awareness on the extremity of the ACLU, and bring to light its secular-progressive efforts to remove Christmas from the public sphere. The display, the first of its kind in the nation, will feature characters that are quite a bit different than the standard crèche.

“We’ve got Gary and Joseph instead of Mary and Joseph in order to symbolize ACLU support for homosexual marriage, and of course there isn’t a Jesus in the manger,” said Chairman Tony McDonald. “The three Wise Men are Lenin, Marx, and Stalin because the founders of the ACLU were strident supporters of Soviet style Communism. The whole scene is a tongue-in-cheek way of showing the many ways that the ACLU and the far left are out of touch with the values of mainstream America.”

The scene will also display a terrorist shepherd and an angel in the form of Nancy Pelosi.

“The ACLU and other left-wing extremist groups are working diligently to destroy American’s rights to the free expression of religion,” said Executive Director Joseph Wyly. “We’ve already seen in Chicago an attempt to censor the nativity by a city government this week. It’s just more evidence that there is a War on Christmas being waged by the far-left in this country.”

Ulp ... shit ... oh no. I'm starting to perspire here. Rather profusely, too. Blood pressure is shooting up. The telltale vein is protruding from my forehead. Awww, shucks. That can only mean one th-YEEEESSSSSSS-AH!! I HATH BEEN EMBUED WITH THE FIRE OF THE LAWD! PAH-RAYZE THE LAWD FOR BROTHER SY!!

You see, the first person to not only advocate but COMMAMD all the brothers and sistren of the fallen and risen Lawd to not go out in the streets and synogogues "to be seen by the eyes of men like the hypocrites do" was THE LAWD JEBUS KAH-REIST HISSELF-AH. Instead, the good Lawd COMMANDED all His earthly brethen and deciples to "go into your closet". Notice that, my bothers and sisters, because it's VITAL -- not only the eternal salvation of your SOUL but for the eternal salvation of YOUR FUCKIN' BRAIN-PAN! Jesus COMMANDED, "go into your closet"; not your courthouse, public school, your shopping mall, or your AM Radio.

Ya see, my brothers and sisters? Jesus COMMANDED "go into your closet" over 2000 years ago -- LONG BEFORE THE LIBERAL AMERICA-HATIN' 83 YEAR OLD ACLU WAS BUT A FAR DISTANT FESTERING BOIL ON PAT ROBERTSON'S ASS, can I get a widness?!? Can Brother Sy get an "Amen"?!? Awww, I hears ya breathin' out there in the cheap seats, but I don't hears ya speakin'. Holla to the Lawd if you hear me!

And while I still got the Fire of The Lawd's Holy Spirit coursing through my wretched, stagnant, Socialistic carcass, I gotta say that Jesus rode into Jeresalem on a JACKASS, brothers and sisters. That's right, true believers! Jesus rode a JACKASS; not a fully loaded Lexus, not an SUV, not Republican elephant -- A JACKASS! And, my faithful brethren and sistren, our good Lawd Jesus Christ's views on money and charity are much closer to KARL MARX than they are of Karl Rove, can I get a "Hallelujah"?!?

Therefore, Brother Sy's religious consistant opinion and holy decree -- with logic, common sense, critical analysis, and THE HOLY SPIRIT OF DAH LAWD -- that these dumbass Texas Christian Young Republican cretins are erecting this infernal "ACLU Nativity" scene to benefit not the Lawd, but their sorry worthless hypocritcal selves and their ridiculous Taliborn Again agenda. They want this bogus nativity scene to take attention away from Jesus's 2000 year old Closet Commandment in exchange for an evil crusade against everything honest, true, and has the slightest mediocum of goddamned sense.

Their infernal agenda is more about "Wookit me beez Kwistjun! Wookit me beez pwayin' out in pubwick!" in a licentious and sinful crusade to filch us true believers of our eternal souls and brain-pans, not to mention our votes and our money for they are worshippers and lovers of themselves (along with Mammon the false Balaam of Capitalism and the root of all evil, FOX NEWS, and the AM Radio) than they are worshippers and lovers of the fallen and risen, jackass ridin', closet commandin' KAH-REIST-AH!

*wipes sweat off noggin with hankey*

Brother Sy has a new Commandment to deliver to the Taliborn Again from off the beaten mountain of the Heavenly Father. Yes, it's a Commandment they'll fuckin' break constantly right alongside the rest of them but DAMMIT, JEEEESUS HATH SPOKEN TO BROTHER SY commanding my vile heathen carcass and slippery, sarcastic, liberal hippie, 'Murika-hatin' VOICE-BOX to impart the new wisdom of JEEESUS-AH! via a new Commandment from above.

Brethren and Sistren, the new Commandment is: THY SHALT GROW THE FUCK UP!

The Lawd has given Brother Sy some interesting insight about the world we live in, folks. Yes, a world where bloated, gluttonous, American 20th century Christians have bullshitted themselves into believing there's a War on Christmas, evidenced by the need to correct all those Satanic, minimum wage Wal-Mart register biscuits that dare utter the "Happy Holidays" curse upon thee. Oh, dears yes.

But suppose, brothers and sisters, that out there tonight is a Satanic, minimum wage Wal-Mart register biscuit that's also a devoted reader of Brother Sy and follower of the Lawd?!? Suppose that poor underpaid disciple of Gawd needs Brother Sy to impart with thee some advice on how to deal with being falsely attributed to waging a War on Christmas all for uttering the unspeakable "Happy Holidays" upon the sloven materialistic masses that file through their register aisles?

Don't suppose about it, folks, for Bother Sy has heard your plight, and, after a monalithic 6 hour fasting of Taco Bell (yes, the Holy Spirit told Brother Sy to avoid his beloved green onions, can I get a 'FUCK!'-erm, I mean, can I get an 'AMEN'?) has taken it up with the Lawd on your behalf. After the Lawd and I smoked some Meth and got a rubdown from a gay cherub, Brother Sy recieved the enlightenment that you poor lazy shiftless Welfare leachin' Wal-Mart clerks need to defend yourself.

The Lawd has instructed me to tell you when a shopper goes batshit insane on you, you shall sayeth the following:

With all do respect, 1st century Christians suffered a hell of lot worse persecutions and tribulations than being told "Happy Howidaaaayz", so here's your reciept, Merry Christmas, and ...


*wipes forehead again*

And now Brother Sy must depart for another day for the Lawd hath spoken to me again while wiping my forehead, commanding me - and only me - as He always does when I've either said just enough or too much: THOU SHALT SHUT THY CAKEHOLE!

I shall oblige, Lawd ...

Can I get one final "Amen" before the fire leaves me tonight?!?

Ahh, Gobbless ya! Gobbless ya alls!

Thoink you an' G'noit!!


Tuesday, December 05, 2006

The Good, The Bad, And The Fugly

Gotta helping of good, bad, and fugly news to impart here. First, the good news is UN Ambassador John Bolton has resigned, but don't feel too bad about his remaining employment prospects as I recieved word on a double-super background secret government contract that'll work in Bolton's favor as our Democrats need a push-broom to sweep the incompetent Republicans out of the White House, and they've tapped Bolton for the job. Well, not him really -- just his upper lip. Details on this contract are still sketchy but I do know it has an expiration of January 2009, at which point Bolton will become a free agent, where his upper lip has to potential to pull six to seven figures a year for any interested Canadian curling teams.

In the fugly news department, John Ridley has a 4 page collumn for Esquire where he suggests that it's high time for Condi Rice, Colin Powell, and the rest of the house niggers to shit on the field niggers,, which I'm sure it'll be promptly followed by an apology and a subscription cancellation by Micheal Richards.

And the bad news is ... I'm back to blogging. Not full time -- that's impossible with only 56k dial-up. But updates to TBT will happen in the near future as a number of things have rattled my chain and they need an outlet. First in my crosshairs of contempt will be the fuckin' Christians because it is indeed that time of year. Oh, yessss, pah-rayze Jeeebus-ah, ol' Brother Sy is filled with the FIRE OF THE LAWD and has a few sermons to get out to the all the true believin' brethen and sistren, can I get I get an "AMEN"?!?