TBT: The Brutal Truth

Monday, August 21, 2006

The Mother Of All F-Words

How dare I depart without a parting rant?

Our mainstream media goes from one extreme to another at about the same rate as my 5 year old daughter. Before the last bushel of 1s and 0s that comprise of my goodbye post below made it to Blogger's servers, our mainstream media was allready well into the latest Rovian fearmongering gag of "Depart from your Head & Shoulders otherwise your head might part company with your shoulders!" and people fell for it. Literally. I was watching Kyra Phillips on CNN segway into a taped report where the reporter (whom I believe was Sumi Das, formerly of the defunct Tech TV) had asked a middle aged woman at an airport if she was at all offended that she had to toss her personal hygeine products away before boarding her flight and the middle aged woman' response made me wish I was born in another galaxy trillions of light-centuries away ...

No, not at all, because I don't wanna be dead.

Never in the history of this blog was I so damned mad and offended after hearing that lady speak and that takes alot for me to say for I covered a plethora of things here that had me bristling. But the above excuse reminded me of something my Jewish, Vietnam Vet, brother-in-law used to say in his New Jersey accent: "Damn, Herman Goering guest hosting for Julia Childs wouldn't leave as many ashes in my mouth after hearing that bullshit!"

Of course, sitting here all doe-eyed with my jaw hanging somewhere near my left testicle after a belated "What The Fuck?!?" just wouldn't cut it as a befitting response and, since I no longer have any firearms, shooting the TV was beyond my immediate capabilities. So, I was forced to shout at the TV something along the lines of, "You're allready fuckin' dead from your Adams apple to the folicles on your scalp, you stupid broad, and if you could possibly get any more dead, it'd merely be a formality!"

As you'll recall, just prior to this "Great Hezbollah Airplane Scare", the mainstream media was allready well into kissing some serious Likudnik/AIPAC backside and generating nothing but scorn from the more enlighented left-blogistan, so chalk that up to the Decider for getting further corporate media embarrassment off the headlines by botching another European black-op for political hay. It may not have given the Bush-Lord the bump he wanted in the approval ratings but I'm sure the CEOs at Colgate, Lever Brothers, and Proctor & Gamble sure seen a bump in product sales from all the braindead bastards that had to replace their bottles of carry-on shampoo and mouthwash twice over -- once upon boarding and again upon their return flight -- and thus have allready signed thier contribution checks to Republican Party (they've seen how Bush and the GOP's scare tactics helped the duct tape industry a few years back but apparently his tax-cuts weren't enough).

Personally, even if the contents of a bottle of shampoo or hair conditioner could serve as proxy bomb making material, I think forcing Americans to dump them in exchange for the continued Constitutional freedom to travel to and fro is akin to disarming them. See, the goofballs that pretend to run this country (that's Republican and Democrat politician for those of you still playing the home game) want you to believe that on one hand, we're alledgedly fighting Hezbollah/Al-Queda over there so we don't have to fight them over there only to turn around and contradict it all by hoping like hell you'll dump that bottle of Scope/Listerine, Alberto Vo5/White Rain, etc. into the trashcan because of the rare and remote chance that members of Hezbollah/Al-Queda are standing line with you at the terminal, sharpening their box cutters and chuffing down a churro just prior to using it to go Selbun-Kablue on your ass instead of where they're supposed to be -- DYING OVER THERE!

You dig it?!?

If they can get to your skullsuds and mouthwash, that means they are HERE instead of over THERE! That, in and of itself, also means all that tax-money the Pretend-Leaders of our country (e.g. the Decider, his cronies, his "political oppoenents ... and their respective office freezers) has been getting blown for 6 years and counting without any tangible avail. No court cases, no indictments, nothing. Just billions of fucking dollars raptured without a trace ... and they're trying to have it both ways. They're "bringing freedom and democracy over there" by reducing it over here. They're "bringing the evildoers to justice" but some might still slip by our multibillion dollar a year defense infrastructure and snag your fucking bottle of Scope or your pack of Orbit and not because the terrorists have a dirty mouth after all the fatwas they issue in Allah's name ...


Our leaders don't want you picking up the ball they are clearly dropping because they know (1) it'll be the end of their careers and (2) you won't drop the ball as you're more compentent on your worst day than our politicians are on their best. In other words, if some bastards from Hezbollah/Al-Queda shoves a box-cutter near your face during the mid-flight movie demand your bottle of shampoo or Listerine, then GIVE IT TO 'EM -- RIGHT IN THE EYEBALLS!

Think about it - what the fuck is the most painful ingredients in the typical bottle of mouthwash? Alchohol! Great shit for the mouth but hell on the corneas. Shampoo is the same way, especially medicated shampoo for dandruff such as Selsun Blue or even muscle rub, sporting a one/two punch potential of camphor and menthol. Makes the scalp tingle but the makes the ol' eyeballs water like a sieve. No matter what, if you give a terrorist's eyeballs a good dash of mouthwash or smear a nice sized gob of medicated, camphorated, mentholated shampoo into their face, neither they or their box cutters will be doing shit in the immediate future save for rubbing their burning orbs and screaming for Allah. From there, a small band of passengers can finish 'em up real good using his own box-cutter (in case the armed marshall is otherwise predisposed).

But no, our leaders don't want that -- they don't want an American populace to stand up and empower themselves in the face of adversity because history shows that an empowered populace becomes a liberated populace and a liberated populace soon becomes an activist populace and it's the latter that'll send them packing out of that cushy, air-conditioned, political office. Much more convenient for them to keep the American populace dead from the neck up and complacent, all Schaivo'ed out in the concentration camp that is the confort of their own Mexican-built homes -- plopping their fully engourged asses on the couch or La-Z-Boy and surrounding themselves with pointless cheap shit and succumbing to emotionally-fullfilling infotainment masquerading as "news" from the mainstream media.

So far, it's working quite well as a recent visit to Ms. Shake's place showed me that, according to a recent study, a good worthless swath of Americans can't tell you what year 9/11 took place but they can sure as hell tell you about all the sordid details regarding a contestant on Big Brother and why the other contestants are pissed at him (because he forgot to wash his hands after visiting the bathroom).

And then, suddenly, things looked bright again for the Bush-Lord as the mainstream media -- in the blink of an eye; at the last trump -- morphed yet again into a "Let's All Feel Sorry For What's Left Of The Ramsey Family" three-way simulcast (four if you count Court TV). Pardon me for being a complete insensitive prick here but, at about this point, I pulled a mid-80s Saturday Night Live and said to the TV in my best teleprompter-reader voice, "Newsflash America: Jessica Ramsey is still dead!", and found myself mashing buttons faster than those terrorist cell-phone scalpers could if they were working straight commission.

Well, not really - I did languish long enough to watch all of them remark on how Jessica Ramsey would be 16 years old if she hadn't been murdered ten years ago by a sick twisted fuck and I wondered if the assholes within the mainstream media ever thought for a moment that a bunch more Iraqis would be the same age as her in the year 2016 if it weren't for a bunch of sick twisted fucks within Washington D.C, specifically a stockpile of them at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Hell, she may very well be alive and well charting the Billboard 100 with ear-polution passing itself off as pop music had it not been for her stupid, full-of-shit parents treating her like a glorified Barbie Doll instead of an ordinary, human, 6 year old.

Don't get me wrong - the murder deserves to be solved like any other murder. But it sure as all hell doesn't warrant hours upon hours upon hours of live breaking coverage. See the black and yellow scrawl bar at the bottom of the CNN/FOX/MSNBC screen?!? That's where this story belongs when not giving it a 15 second recap at the top and bottom of every hour. At least on my media network, that's where it'll be -- ratings and the shareholders be damned. I think the difference would be night and day ...

CNN: "Yes, Wolf! She would be 16 today ..." *CLICK*

FOX: "This guy lived in Thailand so you know he's liberal ..." *CLICK*

MSNBC: "We're on the phone with Karr's neighbor but the voice you'll hear is the intepreter ..." *CLICK*

TBT: "Sizemore here. The good news is Dick Cheney checked himself in a hospital today. The bad news, of course, is he again refused to sign a DNR. And now, here's Van Earl Wrong with sports ..."

I close this by telling you something you probably allready know: the greatest threat to America is a word that starts with the letter "I" regardless of the perspective. That word is not "Islam". From a top-down perspective, it's simply INCUMBENCY. From a bottom up perspective, it's IGNORNANCE -- willfull, self-imposed ignorance by the American public who on one hand can be relied on to turn on all the critical thinking areas of their brain to get through an hour of CSI but can't be relied to keep them turn them on as they allow a bottle of Scope to plunge into the airport trashscan at the same freefall speed as the Twin Towers.

That isn't emotionalism on my part -- in no way am I trying to shill for sympathy on a dying blog by wrapping it in the rhetorical ruins of the World Trade Center. Quite the contrary - I'm merely pointing out in a very subtle way exactly why to this very day some of the most ridiculous right wing pundits and newspapers still carry George W. Bush's water at the risk of all logic, reason, and common sense. The answer can be summed up in one word that begins with the letter "F" and it's not "fucktard" or "fascism" although both words come really close to the ol' putting surface.

No, it's a word you probably haven't heard in nearly 20 years but it's still holds a top spot in the vocabulary of your typical Freeper -- it's Fahrervergn├╝gen. And, if LaMont's upset is of any indication of future events, I'd say the Bush/Neocon Volkswagen is about out of gas, leaving the goosesteppers on both sides of the aisle to bail out and find their Fahrervergn├╝gen elsewhere ...