TBT: The Brutal Truth

Monday, June 05, 2006

License To Pidgeonhole

In the previous post regarding Jack Thompson latching onto a violent crime in order to justify his personal crusade against violent video games, an anonymous comment suggested that I should take a 5 minute political test to show TBT readers where I "truly and pretty specifically fall on the political spectrum."

I've taken these things for shit and giggles before and, although I don't usually kowtow to clandestine suggestions, I figured what the hell -- did it before, what's one more?

Here's the results:

And my problem with tests like these remain the same: they are useless. Completely useless. Why? Because they only provide a glimpse into my political views through a snapshot in time -- specificially the point within time itself that I reserved for the partaking of the test. In no way can these neither be reliable or scientific. How come? Because time itself is guaranteed to render them pointless for the results are only valid during the brief snapshots in time they're contained in -- however long that snapshot in time shall last.

What about the past -- when I took tests like these in my Bible beating days as a rightwing fundy, the results accurately painted me smack dab on the line between Rightwing Conservative and Libertarian. But time itself moved on, and with it, more facts, knowledge, and truths poked through, challenging those views, forcing me to question my beliefs, and thus ultimately changing them to where that same test has me now -- on the line between moderate and left liberal.

What about the future? As even more time lapses, and more facts, knowledge, and truths reveal themselves, offering even more challenges to my beliefs, how in the hell can this test stand the mother of all ultimate tests -- the test of time itself?

Simple: it can't.

The window of its relevance lives on borrowed time within time itself and if that isn't enough to prove that they're logically and scientifically worthless, the following will: how in the world can an online political test tell either myself (or my readers) where I "truly and pretty specificially fall on the political spectrum" all in a convenient quick-fix span of 5 minutes ...... when I haven't been able to figure that shit out for myself in the 32 fuckin' years I've been drawing oxygen on this planet?

Seriously, how can 5 minutes trump 32 years?!? Seems pretty sanctimonious to me, don't you think? Afterall, the human race has been wandering around the globe dragging its knuckles through the grass and accross the asphalt since we've been able to write about them (to the extent of chizeling swirls, notches, and finches on stone walls) all in a universal search to the answer of the mother of all questions ("Why we are here and what must we do?") and yet some kind of Johnny-Come-Lately 5 minute test is going to djinn itself underneath our solarian disco ball eons after the fact and attempt to hammer it all down for us in a nice and neat package? I doubt one has to be a historian or a political science major to see something obviously wrong with that picture ...

So, even though these tests are logically and scientifically worthless since their window of relevance is rather small and conform way too much to the modern day notion of us being entitled to a "quick fix" black and white solution or explaination for something so that our short attention spans can quickly move on to the next mundane thing, that doesn't mean they can't be lauded into a pretend contrivance of meaning by conveniently neglecting to point their faults out.

In other words, these test only mean something to pidgeonholers -- people who love to dumb down and thus regale people or groups into a type so that it's much easier to write them off and come away smelling like roses themselves. Yay, even I had to succumb to pidgeonholing in order to pidgeonhole the pidgeonholers!

The 5 minutes it took me to take that test only guarantees that I'll be pidgeonholed myself in much shorter time by those who desire to use it as a constant, unchanging barometer of my political views, irregardless that their shelf-life is limited and time itself may ultimately discredit the pidgeonholing crowd in the long run -- mainly because the majority of the pidgeonholing crowd exists within the extreme left and right and they often get mad and frustrated with independents and moderates for not picking sides and straddling the fence.

Using these test results to blast independent fence riders makes about as much sense as walking up to a bisexual and belligerently demanding, "Hay, you've a choice between the cock or the cunt and not both, so pick ONE, climb down off the fence allready, and stop hogging it all!" Not gonna happen, pardner. Those bisexuals want what they consider to be the best of both worlds. More power to them.


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