Shreddin' And Shroomin'Going to go rapid fire here, so hold on tight. First off, Nancy Pelosi sent a letter to fellow "Other Republican" William Jefferson of New Orleans to step down from the Ways and Means committee. Jefferson tells Pelosi to take a flyin' leap:
I have received your letter of this date requesting my immediate resignation from the Ways and Means Committee. With respect, I decline to do so.
Within a few hours, apparently someone barged into Pelosi's office and simply said, "Nice awwwfice ya got heah, Nanseeeee. Twud be a shaaaayme if somethin' baaaaad happened to ya in nit" because Pelosi suddenly joins Speaker Dennis Hastert for a little caterwaul duet:
Pelosi, D-California, and House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Illinois, released a joint statement Wednesday saying that the FBI should immediately return all documents it "unconstitutionally seized" Saturday from Jefferson's office.
The sharply worded statement came just hours after Pelosi sent a letter to the Louisiana Democrat, urging him to resign his post on the House Ways and Means Committee, a request Jefferson refused.
This turn of events led CNN's Jack Cafferty to go apeshit on all of them, ending with a nice good weal on The Bearded Persistantly Vegetative Fruitbat formerly known as Wolf Blitzer:
Congress seems to think it's fine for the NSA to spy on all of us without any sort of a warrant whatsoever. But it's not okay for the FBI to conduct a raid on Congressman William Jefferson's office with a warrant after finding $90,000 in his freezer and, after waiting weeks for him to comply with a sapoena to turn over evidence in an ongoing corruption investigation -- evidence which he has refused so far to turn over.
Now, members of both parties are all worked up about this. They positively have their shorts in a knot over this. You see, they want the Capitol Police to handle their stuff -- you know, the same ones that failed to give Patrick Kennedy a breathalizer after crashing his car into a stationary barrier a couple of weeks ago. Instead, they just drove Kennedy home and said, "Goodnight, congressman, and have a nice evening." You see, the Capitol Police answer to Congress.
The Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert even complained personally to President Bush about the raid on Congressman Jefferson's office. It is believed to be the first raid of a Congressional office in over 219 years. Well, judging by the reaction on Capitol Hill, maybe the FBI outta raid their offices more often. What is it do you suppose they might be hiding in those offices? Once again, Congress is demanding a different set of standards for themselves ...
I find it fascinating that suddenly the debate is about whether or not the FBI can search this guy's office. It's not about the FBI video tape that shows him taking a $100,000 payoff or his refusal to comply with a sopoena to hand over evidence in an ongoing corruption investigation. The Congress people -- Republicans and Democrats -- are all afraid the FBI might want to look in their office.
Anyway, save your thoughts, Wolf.
But the latest salvo in this mess is, by far, the sweetest. Speaker Hastert is under investigation himself for ties to Jack Abramoff and he went off on ABC News for reporting it, saying that he was not part at all in that particular ungoing corruption investigation, and demanded ABC News to retract the story and offer an immediate apology. The Feds respond to Hastert by essentially telling ABC News that Hastert is fucking shroomin':
Despite a flat denial from the Department of Justice, federal law enforcement sources tonight said ABC News accurately reported that Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert is "in the mix" in the FBI investigation of corruption in Congress.
Speaker Hastert said tonight the story was "absolutely untrue" and has demanded ABC News retract its story.
Law enforcement sources told ABC News that convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff has provided information to the FBI about Hastert and a number of other members of Congress that have broadened the scope of the investigation. Sources would not divulge details of the Abramoff’s information.
"You guys wrote the story very carefully but they are not reading it very carefully," a senior official said.
"Whether they like it or not, members of Congress, including Hastert, are under investigation," one federal official said tonight.
The investigation of Hastert’s relationship with Abramoff is in the early stages, according to these officials, and could eventually conclude that Abramoff’s information was unfounded.
The next paragraph explains how there's going to be brownouts over Washington as Republican and Democrat alike claw their way to those shredders last seen chewing on Enron documents:
Officials said the next logical investigative step would be for the FBI to seek a wide range of documents from the members of Congress named by Abramoff, including letters and business documents.
Distinguished Ladies And Gentlemen -- START YOUR ENGINES!!
With any hope for America's sake, they'll end up shredding themselves in the goddamned panic. If not, we can always waterboard whatever left ... or flush it down the Potomac ... or shut our blogs off, take to the streets, riverdance our pissed off selves over there (well, you folks can riverdance -- I'll cane my broken hide amongst you), and proceed to physically toss their corrupt, complacent, blighted carcasses right into the street ... and let Kennedy use them for all for speed bumps.
UPDATE: Steve Gilliard points out that the Corrupti-erm, I mean, Congressional Black Caucus (CBC) were the lads that barged into Pelosi's office and played the ol' race card ...