Max Blumenthal -- A Fox In The Cluckhouse!Max Blumenthal of The Nation infiltrated the College Republican National Convention and delivers a fine report of all the beer swillin' going on by the finest toothless skulls that Red State America has to offer. Here are some rather choice morsels:
By the time I encountered Cory Bray, a towering senior from the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School of Business, the beer was flowing freely. "The people opposed to the war aren't putting their asses on the line," Bray boomed from beside the bar. Then why isn't he putting his ass on the line? "I'm not putting my ass on the line because I had the opportunity to go to the number-one business school in the country," he declared, his voice rising in defensive anger, "and I wasn't going to pass that up."
Translation: "Let some dirty lib'brah hippie welfare leech go and die ovah dare so mah wiggah ass kin keep sippin' Hillybilly nectar ri'chere on da plantation!"
Oh, and the clucks get more frantic:
And besides, being a College Republican is so much more fun than counterinsurgency warfare. Bray recounted the pride he and his buddies had felt walking through the center of campus last fall waving a giant American flag, wearing cowboy boots and hats with the letters B-U-S-H painted on their bare chests. "We're the big guys," he said. "We're the ones who stand up for what we believe in. The College Democrats just sit around talking about how much they hate Bush. We actually do shit."
Yeah ... except the one thing that really matters: ENLISTING!
One more for the road here:
When 25-year-old candidate Mike Davidson emerged in the center of the room, the party fell to a hush. "Does everybody know why we're here today?" Davidson asked his supporters, who had huddled around him.
"Beer!" someone shouted. The crowd exploded with laughter.
There's only thing in the world that can describe these drunken clucks from the "Gung Ho But Sure Won't Go" brigade...
No matter how much beer they imbibe, no matter how important they pontificate on how important (read: useless) they delude themselves into being, the bottom line is their PersonalLord&Savior George W. Bush asked for an "ownership society" and since Republicans owns the White House, Congress, & Senate, it's time for the GOP -- the party of war, Christian Morals, and personal reponsibility -- to practice what it preaches by claiming ownership of their little society they've made for themselves, including their neighbor "Terra" upon which they waged war with. This war won't fight itself, you know, and as they taught us last November, you don't switch boats mid-stream. So, sign those enlistment papers for Jesus (yeah, remember Him?), beat your beer-cans into M4A1 Carbines, and go join those troops you claim to support so much whenever the War Preachers & War Pundits are around.
Time to stop surfing that keyboard and start surfin' the Iraqi sands, chickenshits!
If you don't ... just wonder what we liberals might be thinking; what loony conspiracy theory we might be concocting in the Godless, America-hating, Jesus-bashin', tin-hat wearin' heads of ours? It's enough to keep Karl Rove and the Bush Administration awake at night. It worried Rush Limbaugh so much, it's why he was popping all those pills just to cope with it all. They think we liberals are up to something when we're really not (read: we're lying like hell) and are in no position to put anything into action because we lack power in Washington (read: we own it all and want yours, too!) to do so. I mean, *bshah* we're the spineless left, remember? Therefore, it makes sense that enlisting would set back the vast liberal left-wing agenda back a few notches and keep us from re-implanting our spines. That's a good thing, right?
*spins propeller on tin hat*