TBT: The Brutal Truth

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Misadventures In Religious Capitalism

Leave it to the braindead supply-side wonks at the Heritage Foundation to truck out this glowing tripe of bullshit involving the economics of stem-cell reasearch, courtesy of The Moonie Times. First off, the article starts off with a fallacy:

In real life, money follows results.

Correction, ditto-head. The proper way to introduce this article would have been to say, "In the arena of Capitalism, money follows results." Using "real life" is pretty disengenous considering the 99% of the American electorate isn't a Wall Street guru with deep coffers to toss around willy nilly, therefore, it has no real bearing on their "real life". So, exactly who are you trying to attract as an audience with your article -- ordinary Joes and Janes or likeminded Wall Street mavens? The distinction must be made because "money following results" might be a sediment of defining "real life" to Wall Street mavens who worship money as opposed to ordinary Joe and Jane Tax-Payer whose defination of "real life" could something totally opposite and not even involve money at all. So, with that said, it appears the intended audience for this article is prodominately aimed at impressing more Wall Street money-slingers and other Heritage Foundation wonks but with the secret hope of bullshiting ordinary Joe and Jane. It's more or less preaching to the choir because to open article with the line "In real life, money follows results" is to take a very arrogant liberty by assuming everyone in this country is a worshipper of Capitalism, which couldn't be father from the truth.

When an inventor creates a useful product, investors find him, market the product and sell it. There's no need for the federal government to get involved.

Then explain this mystery for us, my dear Heritage Hack? This product was being used to swindle countless investors out of money and the only time a prototype was shown to the public was at last year's E3 convention. That's right -- last year's E3 convention. My sources (one of which is a freelance writer for the gaming industry living in Silicon Valley) tell me that this product didn't show up at this past E3 convention. Was it real or was it vaporware? Were the investors robbed of their money by Kyle Bennett winning a judgement in court by exposing the crooked inventor's checkered past (most likely your excuse because your kind always hates lawsuits) or were they robbed by foolishly trusting a crooked inventor (which is my position)? If the later is true, then shouldn't the Federal Government step in and punish the crooked inventor for robbing people therefore sending a clear message to investors on Wall Street not to do business with this crook or other crooks like Ken Lay?

Despite serious ethical misgivings, some in Congress want taxpayers to spend money on it. But, at a recent panel at the Heritage Foundation, Dr. Kelly Hollowell, a molecular and cellular pharmacologist, noted that, despite widespread media hype over embryonic stem-cell research, it hasn't attracted significant private investment.

How can it attract significant private investment when crooks within Washington like Sen. Rick Santorum accepts hefty contributions from private stem-cell researchers only for him to turn around and vote "Nay" on every peice of pro-stemcell research legislation because there's something in the legislation that pisses off the Christian Right -- an entire class of people who'd rather die of a fucking bed sore like Christopher "Superman" Reeve than give a nod to scientific research that may help them walk someday?

According to the Christian Right, Jesus hates science. Fine! Fuck 'em! If a rightwing Christian's spinal cord become injured at anytime, they've got a cure already -- Benny Hinn. Robert Goddamned Tilton, for cryin' out loud. Then again, maybe not since those two theiving motherfuckers sure as hell made their asses scarce when Terry Schiavo was vegitating her last hours on national TV. Isn't that a bitch? Whenever the media is focusing on "Runaway Brides" and "American Idol", those televangelist witchdoctors on the far right like Tilton and Hinn can be found a few channels away curing invalids of all walks of life with just a simple slap on the forehead and a "Pah-RAISE JEBUS!" but once the media turns their fisheye lenses upon a person in dire need of a real miracle cure, the chariot swings low and these morons make a fast exodus to their spiderholes, man. Gone! Raptured without a fuckin' trace! What's up with that? C'mon, why didn't Randall Terry bawl out to the crowd, "HAY!! WHICH OF YOU SONSABICHES HAVE BENNY HINN'S CELL NUMBER, FOR CHRIST'S SAKES?!?!"

Oh, and wouldn't you know it once the real person in dire need keels over, and the media's cameras turn their attention to the outraged Fundamentalists and the pontificating politicians, those shysters slowly come back like the North Eastern coastline after a rolling black out. They become "un-raptured" just as mysteriously as they were raptured in the first place and within a week or so, you can find them right back on that same damn channel laying the smackethdown on more noggins and shit as if nothing happened. Where's Stone Phillips at times like these? This is a constant fucking "Roswell" here and it doesn't measure a blip on their radar.

I dunno. Maybe the 700 Club will address the ol' "Mystery of the Vanishing Hucksters" someday. In the meantime, fuck 'em. These soothsayers can't disappear at all time and at least it's not science so the rightwing Christian fundamentalists who suffer spine injuries will just have to make do with they got. Now, if they would just uninvite themselves from the stem-cell research debate, and if the crooked Senators would vote with their hearts instead of their wallets, stemcell research might be able to attract more private investors and this country might be able to do something our forefathers intended it to do in the first place -- PROGRESS!

But I'm gonna very frank with you all here (yep, all two of you) and say that the next time the media finds another "Schaivo" to parade around (because we know they will) and if the Taliborn Again does not go on an excusion to find Benny Hinn or Robert Tilton, then I'm afraid I just might be tempted to cutting my own spirtual losses by flushing my Bibles down the ol' hopper. Despite Conan O'Brien's idiocy and other
like-minded fools, it can be done.


The same way our own soldiers did it with the Koran:



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