TBT: The Brutal Truth

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Backing Up Durbin -- Professional Asshole Style

Back before I turned TBT into a leftwing blog, I accorded myself with the title "Professional Asshole". Now, of course, being an asshole is natural to some but it does take a fine deft art in being a Professional Asshole. Takes time, patience, persistance, lots of work watching other Professional Assholes in action in order hone ones skills, etc. But the two most important skills one can learn to becoming an irrepressible "Professional Asshole" is to (1) give your enemies enough rope to hang themselves with so that you laugh manically about it and (2) subject oneself to sin every once in a while; a specific sin -- the sin of "turning back to ones own vomit".

Tonight, I did just that by going back to my old haunt -- the NvNews.Net political forums. For those unfamiliar with these forums, at one time, it was a safe haven of decent civilized debate. That all ceased to be November 2000 when the entire forum became a bastion of the most ridiculous, cranky, selfish, American fucksticks that can organize on a single corner of the Intarweb second to FreeRepublic. In fact, most of the liberals that got banned or otherwise ousted (such as yours truly) now refer to the NvNews.Net's political form as "Freeper Lite" because no matter how much the wingnuts over there try, they always come just a hair short of living up to the brainless glory of FreeperVille.

Anyway, I went "back to my own vomit" earlier tonight because
with the recent GOP slime-fest of Sen. Dick Durbin for pulling a "Dean" (e.g. telling the truth), I knew those lunatics over there would be puking up a storm and I needed a few cheap laughs. Lo and behold, I catch this thread that aimed to please in my starvation for typical Republican hilarity. One of the staffers there -- Ed "Saturnotako" Piotrosky -- broadcasted about being a constituent of Sen. Durbin and rattled off a letter to him. At the end, I took a keen notice of this little tidbit:

I don't know if it will allow people from outside Illinois to contact him, but you can find a form here. Let your voices be known that we will not tolerate this crap from our elected officials!


I read this part and I must confess that, after a about hundred prayers, 45 or so "Hail Mary"s, and dropping a few million dollars of my hard earned money into the coffers of the Religious Right, it still didn't stop that satanic "Professional Asshole" part of me to do some old-fashioned "America-hating" by clicking the link Ed provided to contact Sen. Durbin. So, with a swig of some vodka, I got down to work. The following is what I just sent to Sen. Durbin:

Mr. Durbin,

I'm Jason Sizemore, the operator of a liberal political "blog" entitled "TBT: The Brutal Truth". Although, I'm not a constituent of yours, I want to say that a friend of Rep. John Conyers is a friend of mine.

I write to you today to bring attention to a letter you've recieved recently from one of your constitutents - a gentleman named Edward Piotroski of Naperville. I was able to read his letter to you because Mr. Piotroski - under the alias "Saturnotaku" - posted it on a webforum which he is a staff member of. That same letter can be viewed

As a former moderator of this same webforum, I can assure you that Mr. Piotroski wouldn't vote for you if you were the last person on Earth for he is a staunch Republican like most of the registered users there. By reading his other posts on this webforum, it'll be self-evident as fact. Therefore, you need not concern yourself with his obvious partisanship. I sure as hell wouldn't if I were you.

Thank You

Now, considering that we are currently in a gray area on whether or not bloggers are journalists (we might as well be journalists -- bloggers are embarrassing the mainstream media every single day), lets go ahead and err on the side of life -- erm, I mean caution, and say that it would be journalistically unethical for me to report only "negative" stuff about Ed Piotroski and that I should report "good" stuff about him. I would've done just that ... but unfortunately Mr. Durbin's contact form limited me to only 10,000 characters and I had to prioritize, keeping my message pithy in order to increase the likelihood of Sen. Durbin of reading it. Senators don't read long-winded messages -- they're too busy. A staight and to-the-point message is always best. I am not, however, constrained by any limitations here so I could go ahead and report "good" stuff about Ed Piotroski here like, for example, his fine taste in music groups like Styx, Queen, and Yes and that as long as you stay on those topics, a meaningful dialogue can be had with him but if you ever switch over to politics with him, it would only be a matter of seconds before he'd get on his "Liberals hate America" kick, forcing you to entertain the idea of giving him a good smack upside the head with the remote chance that doing so would knock the record back into its fuckin' groove ............... but fuck it! I don't have time nor the inclination for that shit, folks. I'm a dirty, liberal hippie that has a country to hate, the Taliborn-Again to ream, and a war to undermine, remember?

No rest for the wicked here!

UPDATE: In the off chance that a huge lovefest erupts in my HaloScan from NvNews/FreeperVille visitors, I've instructed my man Disco to check their vehicles for anything that's pro-Bush. If he finds anything that is pro-Bush, you won't be banned from my HaloScan. Instead you risk the likelihood of recruitment applications from the U.S. Armed Forces being placed under your windshield wiper where your reaction to them could be video taped and passed on to
Crooks & Liars for everyone's enjoyment. Hey, don't bitch at me -- Jesus' General gave me the idea after he owned those ProtestWarrior fuckwits (and may the good Jesus bless that man!)


0 comment(s):

Post a comment

<< Home