TBT: The Brutal Truth

Puritans In Your Porn Stash

Over the past few weeks, Dave Neiwert has been undertaking the task of deconstructing the latest mouth-foaming lunacy eminating from the GOP's rabid pomeranian mongrel Michele Malkin and Shakespeare's Sister drills it with the ol' 1 Iron:

An ingrained reaction to project one’s own nefarious motives, methods, and assumptions onto their opponents is inevitably wrapped up in shame and repression. To wit, many of the most anti-gay crusaders among the GOP’s ranks are closet queers.

That's one instance and she's right as all hell. But Ms. Shakes forgot another vital instance of textbook rightwing projectionism that Arthur dredged up recently when talking about Sen. Brownback:

It goes without saying that, as news stories regularly demonstrate, those who rail most stridently against the evils of pornography often are revealed to have huge private stashes of their own.

PrOn!!!1

Oh, yes. It's the ol' nipples and dicks factor. Tits and ass. Smut and scroggage. No matter what time or place anyone has ever lived here in the United States of Denial, you can always count on textbook "damned durty librul hippie" projectionism on the part of rightwing Conservatives whenever there's (1) a fag, (2) a fetus, or (3) a crotch involved. These three things drive them out of their own goddamned gourds. They are totally obsessed with them and they'll always be ripe wedges for liberals and Democrats to ride like surfboards just to watch these sanctimonious shitheads squirm.

I recall the first time I really realized just how bad rightwing Christian Conservatives were obsessed with people's crotches when I myself was a young born-again rightwinger Fundy Fristian in the early 90s. I was reading all their moonbat screeds from Hal Lindsey, Jack Van Impe, etc. and one particular book I was reading about "the nasty Godless radical left" was written by Pastor John Hagee. In this book (which I still have buried in the closet where it can molder until the fucking Rapture, for all I care), Hagee made a flippant projectonist rant against the secular, Godless left's penchant for porn that I felt was just too good to be true. Compelled, I flipped all the way to the back of the book to Hagee's Bibliography in order to find the source he was citing and laughed my lilly white ass off: Penthouse Magazine!

When I managed to stop braying like a jackass, I couldn't help but wonder if that particular issue of Penthouse just happened to fall into Pastor Hagee's pudgy little hands by the Holy Spirit or if he bought/subscribed to Penthouse for the articles. If it was the latter, I've got really bad news for him: if that fucking excuse didn't work with my mother when she found the smut-mags I raided from my old man's stash when I was wee lad (and boy was he pissed when I got the pages of his "collector's items" sticky), how in the hell does he expect it to work on most Americans who reside in the reality-based community?!?

It isn't ... not unless you're allready on the rightwing Fundy Fristian plantation. Not unless you already give people like Hagee a pass because of that old and tired "concerned men of the cloth can consume questionable material in their role as moral teachers" bullshit. Not unless you're John Ashcroft -- a grown man whom to this very day still can't read Song of Solomon because he's scared shitless his own Mama will return to Earth from Abraham's bosom ahead of Christ just to kick his ass high as a kite.

Arthur is right, though -- rightwingers have a shitload of porn. Hell, my own porn-stash -- which consists of traditional JPG images; no MPEG/AVI movies or animated GIFs -- is a whopping 767MBs. That's roughly one blank CD's worth. This is the largest my own stash has gotten because I haven't had the time (and a sober mind) to go through it and toss 200+MBs of it (which looked good when viewing it from a totally vodka-pickled perspective). All of my Rightwing friends, however, have my ass WHIPPED in various and kinky ways from Sunday: Gigabytes, even Terrabytes of the shit, man. However, they've got one thing going for them that the porn-lubbers-in-the-closet at FreeRepublic and LGF don't have -- a subdirectory within their porn stash were they cram all their snuff videos: the suicide of R. Bud Dwyer, Nick Berg's rolling head, etc. Like the current morally bankrupt Bush Administration, they have no shame or boundaries at all.

Hell, even when Bill Clinton used Lewinsky's snatch for a humidor, the first reaction from my rightwing Conservative friends wasn't shame, wasn't anger. It was the total opposite: "Clinton did what?!? HOLY SHIT! Did he smoke the cigar?!?! Tell me, please! Did the President of the United Fuckin' States smoke the damned cigar?!?!?!" When I said, "No", they were up in arms. "What a fuckin' failure! Some Slick Willy he is!" A month later, these same rightwing friends of mine were putting on the fake "Moral Majority" facade about themselves and yammering about how typical of liberals Clinton's conduct was because of our penchant for degrading women via porn and endless assaults on God and marriage.

So, anyway, if you're up for an essay that'll solidify the idea that when it comes to being completely full of horseshit and hypocracy, the GOP and the Tali-Born Again has that particular free market perpetually by the crotch, then the fine folks linked above probably don't mind preaching to the choir. Enjoy!

posted by Sizemore at 6:03 AM

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