TBT: The Brutal Truth

Jack & The Singing Soprannos

Fort Lauderdale police have arrested three men on murder and conspiracy charges in the 2001 gangland-style killing of a South Florida businessman who sold a casino cruise line to Washington lobbyist Jack Abramoff, authorities said today.

Police picked up Anthony Moscatiello, 67, Anthony Ferrari, 48, and James Fiorillo, 28, last night and this morning in connection with the ambush slaying of Konstantinos "Gus" Boulis, who was killed in Fort Lauderdale on Feb. 6, 2001.

Boulis had sold SunCruz Casinos to Abramoff and a partner, Adam Kidan, in 2000 at a time when Abramoff was one of Washington's most powerful lobbyists. Abramoff and Kidan were indicted last month on charges of wire fraud in connection with the purchase of the company. Moscatiello, known to police as a bookkeeper to New York's Gambino crime family, was brought in as consultant by Kidan when he and Abramoff took control of SunCruz. Ferrari is a business associate of Moscatiello.

Abramoff is at the center of a federal investigation into lobbying for Indian tribes and influence-peddling in Washington. Abramoff used contacts with Republican Reps. Tom DeLay (Tex.) and Robert W. Ney (Ohio) and members of their staffs as he worked to land the SunCruz deal, interviews and court records show.

The news couldn't have come at a better time opines cellmate #29918245, known affectionately as "Bubba", whom has been battling anxiety and depression brought on by the lack of fresh wards.

"Things have been a little dry here lately in this cellblock. I've already tore the hell out of his poopshute," Bubba remarks dryly, pointing to a huddled and whimpering clump of blankets sporting bloodshot eyes and tussled hair in a corner of his cell that The Crowbar Hilton Press can now confirm is none other than former MCI Worldcom CEO Bennard Ebbers.

"That's all he fuckin' does anymore and I need some release, dammit. Especially, after all those bastards over in J-block got their cells redecorated and ate fine cuisine when they brought in Martha," he says reffering to Martha Stewart.

During our exclusive interview, guards outside were escorting Tony "Balls" Moscatiello, Anthony "Small Block" Ferrari, Jimmy "The Greek" Fiorillo, and Jack "The Yes Man" Abramoff -- known to the residents of Leavenworth Gated Community as "Jack & The Soprannos" -- past Bubba's cell towards the mess hall. "Oh, I can hardly wait to tap into their fruity asses", Bubba remarks, wiping drool from his bushy red goatee on a thick, tattooed forearm. "I'm going to hit Balls and Small Block first after grub. Sorta break them in. I'm going to save the other two for late tonight. They're special since word on the outs is that Jimmy and Jack live up their handles in more ways than one."

We asked Paris Hilton, owner and CEO of Hilton Enterprises (and parent company of this newspaper) on when to expect the arrival of other convicted felons connected to Jack & The Soprannos such as Billy "The Cat Butcher" Frist, Tommy "The Ticking Termite" DeLay, and Karl "Lovesponge" Rove (to name but a few) and got rebuffed for bothering her during an important shoot for a new Larry Flynt publication.

Last year, The Crowbar Hilton Times won journalistic integrity awards for covering the Paris Hilton Scandal where she was sentanced to a lifetime residency herself for the brutal assault on pop star Britney Spears that has since left the diva bald and blind. President Bush pardoned Hilton so she could assume her duties as CEO of Hilton Enterprises when her parents were killed after their private jet was mistakenly shot down by the NSA for violating Washington D.C airspace months after her setencing. Hilton Enterprises was also awarded a $459 Billion no-bid contract on September 31, 2005 to spruce up the company's multi-national prison farms per the terms of the agreement with The Bush Administration to privatize the nations penal system that came into law via Executive Order on midnight last September 28th -- just hours after The Washington Post reported upon the arrest of Moscatiello, Ferrari, and Fiorillo. The order as well as the no-bid contract sent Democrats seething although the Republican majority within the House & Senate claimed to have no conflict of interest.

Despite the lack of solid information regarding the arrival of the other convicts, Bubba seems non-plussed. "They all comin' here soon. You know, that one shithead Sean Hannity keeps saying that the left is the fault of all their problems, but from own persective, it looks like time itself is the problem of the Republican party. Time catches up to them and before you know it, the crooked sonsabitches arrive here with me . . . and boy am I happy to have them."

posted by Sizemore at 6:25 PM