Pick & ChooseNow that the Religious Right is back in the news with their lamebrained crusade against Reagan & Bush appointees (hey, that Clinton appointee sided with the Shindler family), it looks as if they're dividing their time. Part of it will be devoted to smacking "activist" judges around while the other portion will be used to castigate those homosexuals. It's awfully funny to watch these yo-yos like Dr. James Dobson, Tony Perkins, Rev. Lou Sheldon, and the rest jump through theological hoops in an effort to deny gays their rights and freedoms in our nation. The most common hoop they jump thru is the one where they point to Leviticus 20:13 which states that men bumping nasties is an abomination and should be put to death. We all ready know that such right-wing loons as Randall Terry and other strict Reconstructionists would love to start killing all the gays and lesbians for they've said so. A quick search on Google will point one to them and most Fundamentalists believe that America would be better off if we instituted God's laws instead of relying on our own man-made laws like our Constitution and the Bill of Rights. In fact, some of them go so far as to suggest that anything in God's law should trump all the man-made laws we've made for ourselves.
As a result, I've been combing through Leviticus to see if there are other abominations in God's eyes that should result in death and I've quite a number of them. Just before the big homosexual bombshell, God says that anyone who curses their parents shall be put to death. My question is if these Fundamentalists are so keen on wanting to rid America of gays, why aren't they also ridding America of all those whom have cursed their parents? By simple process of elimination, we can conclude that the offspring of these high-profile Christian fundamentalists have cursed their parents at one point so why haven't they killed them yet? Seriously, why haven't these people tore a page from Tony Soprano's book and whacked their kids for cursing them?
Let's move on to verse 10 which says that any man that has committed adultery by sticking their dicks into another woman (be it some random women out in society or the chick next door) should immediately be put to death alongside the chick they were banging. When was the last time these Christian fundamentalists skewered a coupe of people guilty of this under their noses? According to my own math (and experiances as a former Christian fundy), adultery among the church is a HUGE problem and yet nobody offs these motherfuckers. Why is that?
Jumping ahead to verse 15, we find that those who commit beastiality must also be put to death along side the animal they were screwing. Again, the father one ventures south of the Ohio Valley, beastility becomes a big problem. This is red-state, Bible-believing America, folks. Certainly they know people who loves to fuck a sheep now and then. Maybe even a goat or two. Why aren't we hearing about the deaths of these sick bastards on the news at the hands of their congregations?
There's also a law regarding not wearing clothing of mixed fabrics which if were instituted by the Tali-Born Again, nobody would be left alive. Once - just once - I'd like to see Larry King ask one of the prominent leaders of the Religious Right why haven't they've either committed suicide or killed one another for wearing clothing of mixed fabrics and so far, hasn't been done to my knowledge.
This all leads me to a bigger question for the Religious Right: Why is it fine and dandy for you people to pick and choose which parts of the Bible to follow and which parts not to follow and - in light of that - where do you get off imposing the parts that you don't follow personally onto everyone else? In other words, why are you people repeatedly demanding more from others than you do of yourself? Last time I checked, that was hypocracy - something Jesus didn't like. But apparently it's cool for God's people to take "creative license" with The Bible. Afterall, the Catholics don't physically baptize people by total immersion in water, do they? Most of them just either shake a wet scepter at you or draw a wet cross on your forehead and that's it! That's not how it was done in Jesus' time. I can't find no Scriptural evidence that suggests that Jesus nor his disciples ran around with scepters dipped in water and shaking them on someone, sprinking them with water. Can't find them drawing wet crosses on people, either.
What about the Baptists. Granted, some of 'em do immerse people in water, but those "dippers" are getting it all wrong just as much as the Catholics are. What's up with that? Better yet, they like to claim that anyone who hasn't been water baptized after asking Jesus into their heart isn't totally saved at all and could lose their salvation. That's problematic because their favorite and most quoted apostle - Paul of Tarsis - testifies in the Bible that he could count on one hand all the people he baptized. Then, he turns around and says the unthinkable: he claims that God didn't send him to baptize at all. Now, if God didn't send him to Baptize and a water baptism after conversion is necessary for salvation, that means there's a whole shitload of fuckers -- basically the entire populace of Galatia -- that are currently in Hell thanks to Paul for NEVER baptizing them at all. What's up with that?!? Either water baptism is important or it isn't. Seems to me Paul didn't think it was important otherwise he would've been baptizing alot more then he did. Since he didn't, how the fuck can the Baptists keep claiming that water baptism is essential for salvation or for a Christians walk through life?
Oh, what about those contradictions that the Christians claim do not exist in The Bible. Tell me, was it 4000 stalls or 40,000 stalls (1 Kings 4:26 -- 2 Chronicles 9:25) that Solomon built? Who is the father of Joseph; Jesus's Step-dad -- was it Jacob (Matthew 1:16) or Heli (Luke 3:23)?!? Oh, and I can't get started on THE BIG ONE for doing so would spoil one of my manuscripts that I plan on Blogging at some point.
What this all boils down to is this: Since they're picking and choosing which parts of The Bible to believe and which to discard, feel free to do it, too. If the Religious Right want to come down on you for doing so, just remind them that they've been picking and choosing for a hell of a lot longer than you have. We're talking thousands of years compared to your double-digits. Fuck 'em and shame on them. Shame on them for perpetuating gay rights and abortion as issues more important to Jesus than healing the sick, helping the poor, and feeding the hungry. Shame on them for voting for politicans that help the rich get richer in spite of the fact that Jesus said that it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God. Shame on them for empowering the elite over the unfortunate. Shame on them for being convenient auxillaries of the Republican agenda thats always been regressive instead of progressive. Lastly, if any of them are reading this and want to perpetuate the idea that I'm at war with "people of faith" such as they are, I only need to remind them that in order for me to conduct a war against "people of faith", my subjects actually have to have faith.
They don't have faith!
If they did, I'd know them by their fruits.
The fruits of the Religious Right clearly are reserved for one and not for all.