TBT: The Brutal Truth

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Broken By "Brokeback"

The other day, Ms. Shakes picked up a Christian confession on IMDB:

I've always been somewhat reluctant to come down hard on homosexuals (in social situations with other church-goers or with my Republican friends at political events). I'm just not the type to judge others out of spite. I've never really known anyone close to me that's gay, although I've met a few people here and there at my work that later I was told were.

Last weekend, I was in Dallas and - to make a long story short - I ended up "having" to see this film. It definitely was NOT my choice to do so, but to avoid a confrontation, I relented. Everybody makes this sort of compromise sooner or later, right? If the film we wanted to see hadn't been sold out, I don't think I'd ever have seen "Brokeback Mountain."

It's been four days since I saw the film, and progressively, day after day, I have been forced to admit that I am ashamed of the way I felt about homosexuals. I literally had no concept of what life is truly like for these individuals, and must continue to be. In my heart I know that good, wholesome, long-standing friends of mine - true-believing Christians - have made life horrible for these people when they go out of their way to bad mouth them behind their backs (no one I know I think would get in someone's face), tell their children homosexuals are going to Hell, etc etc.

I can't explain what I'm feeling, but I haven't had this kind of doubt (about the church I go to) since I made the decision a long, long time ago to leave the family business against my father's wishes. I also didn't go into the same branch of the armed forces that he went into. Which is another story. In a way, I guess, my own personal history and my relationship with a disapproving (and uneducated) father somehow made me "get" what Heath Ledger's character goes through. Let me just say that a lot of heartache was involved. The God I believe in, that I teach my kids to trust, would never wish the kind of pain that I went through on anyone, which really I now know for real, is the same kind of pain homosexuals must go through just to live what for them is an honest life, and the choice they must make. I'd never had my eyes opened to this before, not ONE IOTA.

Tonight, winding down, I said a little prayer. It was more or less the same thing that's been going round and round inside my head since I saw this movie... who am I to judge? I honestly was trembling at one point during the credits before we got up to leave, and I had to struggle to re-gain my composure. Now that I am remembering that, it reminds me of the way I trembled when I first asked God to forgive me of my sins and accept me as I am.

"Brokeback Mountain" humbled me.

I must disagree - the movie convicted him of his unconscious sins and the idea of having to admit, and thus dignify the stark, stone cold, truth of them resulted in being humbled. Now, I haven't saw the film yet because I'm not paying out the nose for a Coke or bucket of popcorn and the large screen combined with my short-sightedness tends to trigger the anxiety attacks I'll permanately experiance off and on as a result of the 1989 LSD trip that scared me clean. In a few months, it'll be on DVD. However, I'm thrilled that this movie is a great success because -- as a 16 year Nascent Christian lesbian trapped inside a man's body that endured 7 years of rightwing Christian fundamentalism -- I can honestly tell you that the most castigated, persecuted, and misunderstood group are indeed homosexuals.

They really have no safe haven as the fear of acceptance and rejection from family, friends, co-workers, and clergy unfairly force them to repress feelings, emotions, and convictions that are as natural to them as sunshine. Fear spills into worry and anxiety and, after so long, something has to crack and usually it's their fear. They reach a point where they're sick and tired of denying who and what they are. They reach a point of self-loathing not because of being homosexual but because they allowed their self-esteem to be dictated by outside influences and utlimately decide it's no way to live. Finally, they throw off their shackles, come out the closet, and be as open about their lifestyles as heterosexuals and Christians do. Afterall, if heterosexual couples can walk hand in hand through a mall, Christians can openly wear a cruficix, then homosexuals should be able to do the same. If people don't like what they see, God gave them neck for a reason -- nothing forces them to view it; they can either turn away or accept it. Another reason is because the success of "Brokeback" opens the floodgates for more movies along that vein (one of which could be the screenplay I've had rattling around in my head for the past 3 years).

To an extent, the ardent legislation of taste or morality is a lost cause because of the concept of free will itself. Hell, I think Paris Hilton is the skankiest broad on the planet but what am I supposed to do -- tell her, "Stop being ugly and be little cuter, damn you"?!? No. Where is she obligated to change for my fickle ass?!? Nowhere. Finding something more pleasant to look at is my obligation and sooo .... *WRENCH* .... thus turneth my neck. Same goes for homosexuals -- they're not obligated to stop being homosexual because some Christian came up to them and said, "Stop being a fag or you'll burn in HAAALE!" Somebody says that within my earshot, I'm going to turn to them and say, "Stop wearing cotton polyester blends, but since it's impossible, I'll settle for you to stop being a rude fuck!" For all that talk Christians do about not passing judgement, they have the biggest trouble of practicing Romans 14:4 the most and that brings me to the second most castigated and persecuted group: Christians By Christians! There are over 22,000 denominations of Christianity and each of them of believes that they're right and the other 21,999+ denominations are full of shit.

Movies like "Brokeback" are the needles to their amniotic sacs and this guy is proof of it. Of course, movies like these aren't going to change everybody overnight. Oh, hell no. But they can change somebody; one single soul. One at a time. Everytime. When that happens, they realize exactly just how damned misguided they really were when it came to homosexuality. It's amazing what 2 hours of practicality can do to decades worth of religious fundamentalist conditioning. Rightwing Christian fundamentalism's aversion and apprehension to homosexuality is about as unjustified as it gets when it must confront the reality of practicality.

Here's a dose of reality-based practicality: suppose you're driving down the middle of a 6-lane expressway and the car your approaching to your left leaves no room for doubt the the driver is a proud openly gay person. Rainbows, "GAY PRIDE" bumper stickers, humorous window signs, the whole nine yards. He's doing nothing but driving along tapping the steering wheel in time to the music just like you. Over to the right, there's another car with a "JESUS SAVES" bumber sticker on it, another bumper sticker of a foodstamp with the caption "DON'T FEED THE SHARKS!", a "W 04" sticker in the window, pro-life ribbons on the antenna, etc. leaving no question that the driver is a Conservative Christian but she is yaking away on a cell-phone. Now, here's the burning question Christian fundamentalists need to ask themselves: based on the "hazardous behavior" engaged in by both of these people ......... which one stands to FUCK you in the ass real good?!? If you distract the homosexual, he might smile and wave at you (maybe blow you a kiss -- depending on how hawt and secksy you are and how OPEN he is) but if the least little thing distracts Ms. Holy Roller, she could put your ass in a fuckin' morgue. Perhaps all three of you in the morgue, for that matter.

Moral of the story? The queer is the safer bet. He just wants peace and brotherly love (peice and manly love, if he blew a kiss). Oh, but that broad talking to Jesus on her cell phone is trying to commit vehicular manslaughter. Greater moral of the story: The reliance of fashions-in-thought is to distract our attention away from our real dangers.


1 comment(s):

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By Blogger sdRay, at 7:14 PM  

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