TBT: The Brutal Truth

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Garbage Ahoy!!!

After going through a year's worth of headlines, Op-Eds, and articles, the following is a list of so-called reporters & journalists that ... well, quite simply need to be FIRED. You know? Pink-slipped, shit-canned, sent packing, or (if you prefer the "Patriotically Correct" term) outsourced. Hell, I'll go one step further and suggest that after they're terminated, neither of them shall be allowed to hold any position of employment whatsoever (including "City Dog-catcher") without submitting themselves to a full labotomy.

The first among these are the entire Editoral board of the L.A. Times, columnist Tom Teepen, and Right-wing cheerleader Bill Kristol. Why? Because my 7th Grade math level trumps theirs for these three sources claimed that George W. Bush's re-election was a "unquestionable mandate" even though Ol' Shrub only escaped total defeat by a mere 1%. Tell me, what specific brand of scientific calculator did these college-educated fruitcakes use to come up with the notion that 51% is an appropriate enough figure to use the phrase "unquestional mandate"? Since when did Enron make calculators?!? Solly, Cholly, but where I come from, 51% means that you were nothing more than a Big Mac sitting in the parking lot about to be picked apart by a shitload of seagulls if it weren't for Diebold the stray Rottwieler whom suddenly appeared to chase them away from your sesame-seeded ass!

Another one is CBS News's Dan Rather who made this ridiculous comment:

"Look, when a president of the United States, any president, Republican or Democrat, says these are the facts, there is heavy prejudice, including my own, to give him the benefit of any doubt, and for that I do not apologize."

Any network willing to employ a news journalist that'll give any President a pass on lying his ass off -- whether it be about seman stains on a dress or WMDs in Iraq -- simply deserves to be in last place and the journalist deserves every ounce of professional ill will and harm. Don't look to your fellow Democrats to bail your ass out, Dan. In their eyes, you're as poison to them as Newt Gingrich is to the GOP. Perhaps you and Micheal Moore can start a network together? I got a perfect name for it: "DECEPTION NATION!"

How about Judy Miller of the New York Times (or "The New Pravda" as the great blogging bartender Billmon coins them) who spewed the following vomit:

"My job isn't to assess the government's information and be an independent intelligence agency myself. My job is to tell readers ... what the government thought about Iraq's arsenal."

Oh, that'll make the subscriber's happy! And while you're at it, Judy, why don't you explain to them the big difference between street-hookers spreading their legs for paying "Johns" and your spreading yours for "George", hmm?!? Better hurry -- those subscribers might just be a nice guy like me and cancel their fucking subscriptions long before you get a chance to jump on the opportunity ...

And to think that once upon a time, journalists used to love seperating the shit from the Shinola.


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